Throughout my life You have tested me. My faith, my strength, my integrity and much more. And while I like to believe I did a pretty good job, the truth is I let you down. I failed many times, sometimes I didn’t even realize it. Especially in recent years I have seen the amazing things that You are capable of. I’ve seen you put some nice things together and tear down the not so great things. I saw how You brought people together and I have seen incredible miracles. But I never took the opportunity to thank you.
My life has been a great struggle, we both know that. But in spite of everything, no matter how lost I was or how frustrated I became, you never left my side. And that’s why I’m still here today. You gave me grace and strength to face the most difficult circumstances and I came out a better person. Everything I’ve become, I am because that’s what You want. You have guided me through the best and worst times and brought me to where I am today. There is no choice I have made without being absolutely sure of what You wish for me. My plan is constantly changing and my goals become more and more different as time goes by, but that’s because as the days and weeks go by I learn more of what Your plan is for me. So it becomes more of Your plan and less of mine. And I must say, your plan is far better than anything I could ever have come up with on my own.
I never really questioned the things I’ve been through in my life because I knew You were behind them. The good the bad and the ugly. You had a reason for everything. I am grateful for even the worst times because they made me the person I am today. I’ve searched all my life for something to make my life worth living. But in the past few years I’ve learned that what will make my life worth living is to live it for You. Sometimes I don’t try my best and I can’t even say I’m doing my best. But I can promise that my heart is open and my life is yours. I will follow the path you lead me.
The one thing I learned early in life that I still hold on to today is that wherever I find pain, you are my greatest source of comfort. When I think of You, all the problems I face today seem irrelevant and insignificant. The life You have planned for me is so much bigger than I could have ever dreamed. I know exciting things are ahead, for You have never failed me. You pulled me up when I was down and took my many broken pieces. I wouldn’t have survived without you. You and you alone made me the person I am and gave me a reason to live. I thank you for that.
There was a moment when I let myself fall. I felt my life crumble and I saw everything I ever dreamed of slowly drifting away. I looked in the mirror as depression, anxiety, guilt, and anxiety flooded my mind. I saw myself going through something I never wanted to experience. I became a person I never wanted to be. I became weak and helpless. Shallow and scared. I thought my life was over. But in the twinkling of an eye, You took over. Suddenly there was light and purpose. I found the will to fight through the pain and struggle. It was my biggest win, my biggest achievement. And you alone are responsible. I played no part in surviving that.
I owe so much to you. You deserve so much more than I gave you. I do not give You the amount of attention You have given me. I fail to live my life completely and totally for You. And for that I ask for forgiveness. I don’t deserve it, but I’m asking for a chance. A life without you is impossible to live. There is no real purpose or structure. There is really nothing to live for. I need you to survive this world. I will continue to walk beside You, this time I will give You more of my time and energy. I won’t waste it on people who don’t deserve it anymore. My life and my heart are yours.