Thursday, September 21, 2023

For the scared student who wants to change studies

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Shreya Christina
Shreya has been with for 3 years, writing copy for client websites, blog posts, EDMs and other mediums to engage readers and encourage action. By collaborating with clients, our SEO manager and the wider team, Shreya seeks to understand an audience before creating memorable, persuasive copy.

I am currently a sophomore at Creighton University, which is known for their health sciences programs, among other things. A big draw I found in Creighton was 3 things: community, basketball, and their nursing program. I was determined to become a nurse – I had applied to all of my schools under direct nursing and pre-nursing programs and got into all but one of the schools (but was later placed in their pre-nursing program instead of the direct nursing program). program I initially applied for). I was really confident at that point in my ability to show schools that I can be a great nursing student – not just in the grades I got, classes I took, activities and volunteering I participated in, but also in my love for helping others, social skills and heart for healthcare.

Now here came the first semester – filled with so many hopes and opportunities. The start of the semester only fueled the thought that one day I would be a great nurse; I had done pretty well in my core and nursing concentrated classes and even got voted into the nursing senate! But even with a great semester under way, towards the end of my freshman semester in nursing school and college, I felt an insecurity within myself about what I really wanted to do. The path of nursing I wanted to do reflected my immense desire to help others, but it wasn’t the best choice for me and I knew it. It was too early to completely reverse my education and career path based on a little bit of confusion, so I continued nursing in my second semester.

However, entering the second semester of nursing became difficult – not only because of the more difficult classes, but also because of the constant thought of doubt in nursing. I really loved the program, the staff and the people in it, it became increasingly clear that my heart was not in the right place. Granted, I didn’t have much passion to work hard in my classes because I wasn’t fighting for anything. I’d like to think I still worked as hard as I could in the position I was in, but I won’t lie and say I tried my best too. I know so many people would have loved to be in my teaching position: whether it was because of nursing school or because I could go to a university/college – and it made me feel even worse about the thoughts I was having.

I began to genuinely hate myself academically and also began to fall into bad mental thought patterns. I hid much of my internal confusion because I was extremely embarrassed to think I could ever think about switching. For much of my life I thought I wanted to be a nurse or a doctor, able to help many people through health care and medicine. I grew up wanting to do missionary work in one of those positions and started focusing on nursing because of the social aspect of it. I wanted to help people, but also feel achievement in my personal growth, and I vocally advocated for my desires. I had people who immediately loved the idea that I was some sort of physical caregiver because that’s all I knew – eventually people also knew I was a nurse.

I felt caught between lifelong assumptions/expectations and my own inner questions, and I know I didn’t want to feel that way… I knew it wasn’t right. With my friend’s help, I was able to talk to at least one person about what I was thinking about and helped me organize my thoughts as to whether I should stay or transfer. I talked about my concerns, passions, dislikes, doubts and strengths that I had and we came to the idea that the only reason why I don’t want to switch is that I had no security. Nursing is clearly a very safe career in our society and a very fulfilling one as well. I knew NOTHING except what nursing was and I had to explore the career world beyond my small reach.

At first I had a lot of hesitation about diving into the unknown, but as I became more and more open to the idea that this was something I needed, I became more happy with the freedom I found just exploring different options for myself . I fell in love with the idea of ​​health administration and didn’t feel far from what I was used to. The major helped me realize that there is so much more to healthcare and what all it entails – the internal mechanisms of the field only work with so many different types of people working together. And when I started accepting myself for something different, not being ashamed of potentially disappointing others, or even job security, my biggest challenge was telling people how I felt and potentially what my next choices were.

Like I said, I knew all my life, I told my family and friends that I was going to be a doctor or a nurse. Everyone was so happy and impressed with my achievements and ended up in all these nursing schools because of it (especially in a place like Creighton). I was starting to feel really nervous about what their possible reactions might be, but I knew it wasn’t going to be the easiest conversation and could have built my confidence about it with the help of my boyfriend and friends at Creighton. I went through my grandma worrying if I was okay or not, my mom asking what the major entailed, my aunt feeling like it was a “waste” of my abilities, and my dad questioning why I was in the first place would stay in Creighton. Even my advisor wanted to comment that it felt like a hasty choice to change because she thought I was ideal for nursing. I started to feel very heartbroken, lost and of course a little torn. But I decided to stand my ground and, not to wind myself up, found it shining through all the thoughts and showing that I wasn’t just messing around with the idea of ​​my future. I had a lot of passion and just because it wasn’t like they were used to didn’t mean I couldn’t handle it.

And so here I am, more passionate about healthcare than ever in nursing. Because the profession is beautiful and vital in itself, it didn’t mean I had to be the one to do it. I have the utmost respect for my friends who are in nursing school and people I know are nurses – they give their lives to the healthcare system that I adore beyond words. But I found within myself a more faithful way of connecting to something I want to work for and all it took was the one thing I feared: doubt. Doubts about job security, income, abilities, fitness and everything in between; I wanted to hide from my grief instead of exploring what it could mean for me. Learning to be confident in my insecurity is probably one of the most retarded ideas I can ever appreciate, but I fully support growing with it. I found freedom in walking with uncertainty and I couldn’t be more grateful for taking such a small plunge into the unknown (something I thought was so scary and bigger than it was). I was able to grow everything I wanted to do in nursing into something more amazing than I could have ever imagined. Although I don’t know everything yet, and nothing is set in stone like I had before nursing, I know I made the right decision. When I look back and compare the stress I felt getting where I needed to be to the flat satisfaction I had in the security of nursing, there’s no competition: switching was for me.

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