Sunday, May 22, 2022

Morbius sucks the fun and charm out of the vampire story

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Shreya Christina
Shreya has been with for 3 years, writing copy for client websites, blog posts, EDMs and other mediums to engage readers and encourage action. By collaborating with clients, our SEO manager and the wider team, Shreya seeks to understand an audience before creating memorable, persuasive copy.

In the past two very long years nothing has been made clearer than the fact that the world we live in has no constants. We know that the reality we say good night to when we go to bed can look drastically different by morning – war, disease, climate change, death.

But somehow, against all odds, morbius trailer has endured.

Lurking for movies we actually pay to see in the cinema, between our favorite television shows, on our computers and in our phones against the YouTube videos we put off, the morbius trailer has become an inevitability in much of our lives. This state of eternal “soon” was due to the many delays the film has experienced.

Original, morbius had to premiere in July 2020, but was moved to March 2021, then October 2021, and finally April 2022. If morbius was a person you would date and keep putting off, at this point you would both agree to just forget the other existed.

But morbius is not a person, it is a superhero film about a “living vampire” from the Marvel comic books, currently owned and heavily invested in Sony Pictures – the studio behind the current Spider Man and venom movies. And because of movie rights and intellectual property, it’s much harder and more expensive to disappear morbius

Directed by Daniel Espinosa and starring Jared Leto and His Ageless Face, morbius asks the question: What if vampires weren’t fun? After 144 minutes of morbius dimming the spark of my life force, I found the soulless answer.

From the very first moment, Morbius seems much more fun than it will ever turn out to be. Michael Morbius is a genius doctor who has assembled a team of unnamed characters to travel by helicopter to Cerro de la Muerte in Costa Rica, which in English translates as “The Mountain of Death”. We don’t get much more information about how many deaths the mountain caused. However, we learn that Morbius is trying to capture a bunch of vampire bats to take home to New York City. He slits his palm open, the blood drips down and thousands of bats dart out of the cave to lick his pale hand.

It’s all extremely silly when you begin to realize that this is an endless stream of bats and there’s no logical way for the swarm to all fit into Morbius’s little briefcase. Do vampire bats really find a swarm and frenzy? piranha† How does Morbius get through customs with literally tens of thousands of winged piranhas? Does he have a plan to feed them? And if Morbius is apparently rich enough to take a private helicopter to Murder Mountain, Costa Rica, why isn’t he outsourcing his bat troubles? Doing things yourself is not very smart or rich.

Jared Leto gets a little confused morbius
Thanks to Sony

The actual explanation of his intentions with all these bats is a lot less entertaining – a disappointment when you consider how campy this adventure is and how fun its cinematic cousins ​​are.

After his journey to buy bats, Morbius’ fellow doctor and potential love interest Martine Bancroft (Adria Arjona) wants to know why he shunned the King of Sweden and the Nobel Prize, and why and how he managed to fill a large glass pillar full of bats. install in the middle of their office.

With expositions, flashbacks and monologues masquerading as conversation, Morbius explains to her that he has a terminal blood disorder (something she presumably knows since she’s been working with him for a long time) and that he turned down the highest medical award in the world and beat the Swedish king because he has to do secret, presumably illegal bat research. He hopes to find a cure for his own blood disease, not only for himself but also for his childhood best friend Milo (Matt Smith).

Morbius believes he can cure his condition by sequencing the DNA of vampire bats. He explains this by spending an extremely inappropriate time repeating the word “coagulants.” This monologue was supposedly written to prove that the character is very smart, but the overall effect is no different than listening to someone trying to get you to invest in cryptocurrency.

Bancroft, mind you, only wanted to berate her colleague for rejecting the Nobel Prize, but after the scintillating dissertation on coagulants, she seems really convinced that turning down the once-in-a-lifetime prize was the right thing to do. She doesn’t answer questions about who installed the giant bat aquarium in their office.

Insinuating that human-bat DNA splicing is illegal in the US, Morbius explains separately to Milo and Bancroft that the experiment must be conducted in secret and in international waters. The international waters in question are ultimately a Panamanian freighter 12 miles off the coast of Long Island.

You’d think a man who just brought tens of thousands of bloodsucking bats to the US and set up a bat sanctuary without his colleague noticing would be skilled enough at keeping secrets, but maybe Morbius just wants to be extra careful. Obviously you won’t win a Nobel Prize by being careless. Compared to the great distances Morbius took to reach Cerro de la Muerte in Costa Rica, a perky sprint to the waters just past Fire Island seems a bit silly, comical even.

But the film finds no humor in it.

In the bowels of the Panamanian freighter, the experiment is going too well! The bat juice cures Morbius’ illness and somehow also gives him muscle and a tan. For a fleeting moment, Morbius looks like a sexy Jesus. Unfortunately, the bat potion Morbius also turns into a bloodthirsty batman, grunting his fingers into huge claws, sharpening his face and nose into a snout, and turning his mouth into a howling maw of teeth. In this form, he kills and empties his hired mercenaries on the hired Panamanian freighter.

Undoubtedly, turning yourself into a horrible-looking bat having to consume fresh human blood is perhaps the greatest oopsie a Nobel Prize-winning medical genius has ever committed.

morbiusThe gimmick is that Morbius is now essentially a vampire, but without any ties to existing mythology. He is not bothered by daylight or garlic, nor is he averse to Catholic iconography. But he’s biologically tied to drinking blood.

If Morbius consumes blood, he can maintain his hot and sexy human form and possess superhuman strength and speed. Morbius also says the bat sap has given him echolocation, which is depicted as someone who can hear conversations from miles away. If he doesn’t consume blood, he turns into the uncontrollable screaming creature and becomes a danger to everyone around him.

I’m not sure I’d attribute superpower or speed to bats, nor am I fully convinced that echolocation means you’re really a good eavesdropper (traditionally, being able to use sound to identify the location of objects ). That said, I’m not a chiropractor, that is, a scientist who studies bats, a term I had to google. If the film takes any generous liberties when it comes to bat physiology, fine.

Jared Leto’s Michael Morbius is not a real vampire because he can do things like get coffee during the day.
Thanks to Sony

The bigger flaw of Morbius is that it breaks vampire mythology without replacing that mythology with something fun, new or special.

Vampire stories are compelling in part because they attempt to explore the wrinkles of human life—power, anger, lust, sadness, nostalgia, love—to anchor the relatively abstract idea of ​​eternity. The appeal of being sexy, rich, or powerful fades when you do it forever. Many vampire stories complicate the problem of taking on a rather reprehensible form of being by making their leeches intoxicatingly charismatic. Without all his charm, Dracula would just be a bit rude and dull, a bigger, more annoying mosquito – not unlike Morbius.

Rather than using his newfound muscles to quench thirst, bench press cars, or even fight crime, Morbius devoutly uses these gifts to study aggressively. Imagine being so scorchingly beautiful and strong and just wanting to explore forever. It can’t be me.

He dictates all his symptoms into a recording device. He writes all his findings in a notebook. He uses a stopwatch to keep track of how long he lasts before he has to consume blood – the artificial blood Morbius invented keeps him full, but organic, free-range human blood makes him stronger. Without any explanation, Morbius’ favorite method of blood consumption is shooting at bags of blood as if someone wants to destroy his brain cells with cheap beer, another moment that would be funny in any movie other than morbius

At the same time, Milo sees his bestie’s burgeoning and bat-powered fitness journey and wants to join in.

Milo doesn’t want to die. Milo also wants to be hot. Milo also wants to drink tequila and live a wonderful life. Milo, frankly, is much more fun, when it’s rooted in impulsiveness, resulting in the murders of financial brethren and agents (if the movie even knew who he was spitting, I’d call this satire). Milo’s surging corpse numbers put the city on edge for a “vampire killer,” which seems hilariously redundant, but nonetheless puts Morbius in the awkward position of affirming his innocence and sending his fanatical friend.

With a lack of humor and deadly exposition, morbius propels itself into an absolutely wild third act, arguably the unintentionally dumbest finish I’ve seen this year.

With the movie wasting so much time setting up coagulants, international waters, and bat DNA, Morbius must defeat his childhood best friend and share an erotically violent kiss with his doctor sweetheart in quick succession to wrap this whole thing up. The five or so minutes in which all this happens border on psychotic; I found myself screaming an obscene and inhumane hoot – a gurgling death rattle from the last vestiges of my sanity.

Scoop through the culmination of two years of morbius trailers or the better part of an hour and a half watching Jared Leto gulp down blood bags like a freshman I couldn’t believe morbius was really put together. But deep down I knew this couldn’t be the end of morbius because, like vampires, superhero franchises never really die. It dawned on me that there’s probably going to be a sequel, or a connection; that this horrible thing might just be the beginning. Soon we might be haunted by another trailer.

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